PAIN OF REPENTANCE

Tug of War

If you have walked long enough with God, you would have had your own share of tug of war.  If you have never played tug of war, I don’t know what planet you live in. If there are indeed some aliens reading this and they are like I am from Mars, and I don’t know what tug of war is. As Google nicely put it tug of war is a contest in which two teams pull at opposite ends of a rope until one drags the other over a central line or a situation in which two evenly matched people or factions are striving to keep or obtain the same thing. And in this case you are the rope and the central point is the fence and you can already guess what the two factions are.

So article was inspired by one of my favorite songs by Andy Mineo, Tug of War. I am only going to focus on the phrases that stood out for me in the song (highlighted).

Lyrics

Momma praying for me
Grandma praying for me
Satan preying on me
Jesus waiting on me
'Cause I've been straddling the fence it's time to make decisions
I've been thinking about Heaven lately, don't think I'll get in
'Cause I've been going back and forth I love the way I'm living
But I hate it at the same time 'cause I know I'm sinning!
And I don't want to be like them hypocritical Christians
So I stay away from Jesus completely 'till I'm ready to give Him
Everything, but that seems like it'll never happen
My girl coming over later, you know what's about to happen
Then after some smashing I'm sitting there asking
If eternity in Hell is worth some moments of this satisfaction
Man I'm so back and forth!

I'm back and forth like a tug of war
I've been fighting for my life, like I'm trying to get my life right
And I really want more, and I don't know
Back and forth like a tug of war
And I've been fighting for control, and fighting for my soul and this is war

I've got two choices
Both require pain
One's the pain of change or the pain of staying the same
One of them leads to joy
Other one leads to shame
One of them leads to freedom the other one keeps me in chains
I wear a cross and give you thanks for my blessings! Ain't that enough?!
Why you want everything?! Can't you leave this part of my life untouched?!
I thought following you meant I only had to say yes once!
Now every day I wake up you give me some cross to take up!
You really want me to break up with my girl? Now that's too much...
I know what's best for me!
You don't understand my complexities!
See I gotta make a living so don't ask where my checks come from!
Now I hear you talking, I ain't gone numb!
I know I'm in the dark and I gotta find my way to the Son, 'cause
He calling on my name and I know I can't run...
I'm so back and forth...

I'm back and forth like a tug of war
I've been fighting for my life, like I'm trying to get my life right
And I really want more, and I don't know
Back and forth like a tug of war
And I've been fighting for control, and fighting for my soul and this is war

A trail of broken hearts
A man full of regrets
The thrill has left, the empty promises of sin sets
You wanna put treasure inside my hands, but you cease
'Cause they're clamped, holding on the sins I won't release
I don't know how to start loving you, and stop doing what I'm doing if I gain you tell me what I'm really losing
You have to change me and my sins I'd never choose Him
My heart needs to see something greater than what I'm pursuing so
Is it true that you give rest to the weary? Can you accept and repair me?
Do you hear me? It's so clear and now it's painfully apparent
That I can't have my sin and my Savior, they're not for sharing
Anything that I lose to follow you is not a loss
My girlfriend my friends my money even my job
But sometimes I believe the lie
That God don't provide for His child when they obey, that's so cray
He calling me to freedom, I think that it's time to walk
I don't see every step but the next is out of the dark
I'm the filthiest of them all, but I'm YOURS if you wash me!
From that sin, by the blood of that cross!

I'm YOURS

 Every one faces all sorts of temptations on a daily basis and when you don’t resist them you can easily get tangled. Sin is like quicksand, you think its shallow and you can step over it once but with that one step you are drowning.  Along with that allowing the darkness and deceitfulness of sin to enter you, you will find yourself straddling the fence, you want Jesus but you don’t want to let go of your sin. You can’t have sin and the savior they are not for sharing. The love for sin will make you hate God and love of God will make you hate sin but straddling on the fence will make you hate you.

I remember a period in my life when Jesus wanted to deal with a certain sin in my life, I didn’t want to hear the end of it, It was all I had known for a long time and I didn’t know who I would be without it. I wanted to let go, but at the same time I didn’t want to. Because I was afraid that I would have to face all the things I was trying to hide behind my sin and I was not ready to face it. Every day I pleaded with Jesus, “Please don’t make me give this up, please, At least not now, maybe in the future when I am strong enough.” But He didn’t give it a rest, and one morning as I was praying the presence of Jesus never came, and I was frustrated and I prayed and prayed still nothing so I asked the Lord why won’t you come, He said “I am always here but I will not reveal myself until you do what I have asked you to do and seek me.” I tried miserably to reason, to find every excuse why I can’t do it. With my futile attempts I repented, letting go of my sin willing. This was not easy for I mourned over my sin. 

So if you identify with the song or the article, you are living in sin you have two choices one is going through the pain of repentance or the pain of living in your sin. Choose the pain of repentance that only last a short while rather than the pain of staying the same and being tormented by your sinful living. God wants to put treasure and purpose in your hands but you already have your hands full with clamping onto your sins. Repent! Seek God so he can show you areas in your life that have strongholds, habitual sin and dead weight. If any man says he is without sin, he deceives himself and the truth is not in him. (1 John 1:8). Do not be deceived test yourself to see if you are still in faith.

I also thought I only had to say “Yes!” once to Jesus but every day I have to die to myself, every day I have a new cross to carry, every day there is something I must give up, every day I am compelled to go further but this is grace. It’s all grace.  Say yes today to letting go of every sin and every weight that so easily ensnares us. Don’t let Satan deceive you, don’t let him entice you. Resist him, put up a fight!! Let this be your prayer, I am the filthiest of them all but I am yours if you wash me from my sin with the blood Jesus.