Stages of a Crush: Christian Girl version

You live life minding your own business and there comes a day when you notice someone for the first time. You always knew that someone but then suddenly he does something that catches your attention. So if you are super spiritual like me, you think errrmaward the Holy Spirit is speaking to me. Lol but listen to me It is just your crazy hormones and stuff.

So today I am going to take you through SEVEN Stages of a CRUSH on someone, Specifically a Christian girl’s version. Take note this article is exclusively based on my experiences and everything my super smart brain cooked up. It is not based on facts. So just enjoy and laugh a little. Just remember I may have exaggerated a little too much and the things I write may and may not have happened exactly as stated below.

        1.Stage one: Crush-proof fail

Crush-proof fail. So every girl has a way of keeping unnecessary crushes from infiltrating her heart and it is called crush-proofing your heart. But brace yourself for crush-proof EPIC, EPIC fails. The problem is not liking someone I am sure that is a pretty normal part of being human, the problem is crushing on someone who is saved. But wait before you throw stones at me, first hear me out. The reason why I say this is because when you like someone in the world or someone who does not have a relationship with God, the minute there is an attraction or you notice them you immediately discard it and you don’t dwell on it ever because you know it will never be, unless by some miracle he suddenly gets saved and gets up to your level of spirituality which is very unlikely. So when the guy is worldly it is like you are crush-proof and anything-proof from him. However when that person is born-again there is very little you can crush-proof yourself with. And a crush-proof fail is inevitable. (Mentally shoots myself)...

2.Stage two: He is the one!

After the epic fail the crush starts to sprout like a little flower in spring. And like I said, if you are super spiritual like me, this is the stage were you consult God or in other words you think God is consulting you, and so when I noticed someone significantly that I haven’t noticed before I always think oh my word God is showing me he is the one. But no, no, no get a hold of yourself your mind is playing tricks on you. So stage two HE is NOT the ONE, not every crush you have is from God, I am not even sure if a crush can be from God. (Why do things like crushes even exist God?!!) Crushes are evil, evil, evil!! Pure evil!!

3.Stage three: Exorcism

Stage three after you have affirm the crush is indeed not from God, which never is from God. You do what every Christian would do, EXORCISM! When I start crushing on someone, I always think what evil is this?? I am sure every girl in church can relate to this one, regardless of why you first notice the person, the first thing you do is rebuke and renounce him from your life. “God, I renounce so and so from my life, if he even comes ten meters within my range he will catch fire, I renounce that He is so handsome, I pray he will become ugly in my sight. Amen” True story!

4. Stage four: The whip of God

If you have never heard God speaking to you, just have a crush on someone and you are good to go. Because after you fail to deliver yourself from the evil spirit that is your handsome crush, you will indeed fall into the trap of dwelling on it. And let me tell you, God loves to discipline his children so much, so much so much. And one of the other problems with crushing on someone is when God rebukes you, it hurts. I mean since you like this person you think about them regularly so it is inevitable that you include them in your prayers as you pray for your leaders, your family and friends, you also pray for “Mr. Him”  but believe me this will be your anthem from God “Guard your heart, guard your heart” Ouch!

5.Stage five: Mix signals?

Since you have a stubborn nature like me, you not only crush on him but it even turns into a state of limerence. And trust me you don’t want it to get there. So now you try to make some kind of contact hoping he feels the same but oh my word, mix signals!! A guy of interest can give you mix signals. One minute it seems the feeling is mutual and then another time you see “oh wait, he is really just a nice person.” Today he gives you a compliment and you are like “Yes I will marry you!” but then the next day he also compliments your friend in the same way, and you attempt to kill him with beams from your eyes. Just tell me are you just really nice or do you like me too? (This makes me feel like the pots guy, “I just want to know, where are the pots?”)

6.Stage Six: Can we be friends?

At this stage you realize either you die or the person dies because this crush ain’t going away (Crush by David Archuleta style). So at this stage I just genuinely want friendship it does not mean I want you to go down on one knee and propose. Sometimes a girl just wants to become friends with you and get to know you. And as a guy you have a free pass to even pursue friendship with a girl without the church alarms going off, if a girl pursue friendship with a guy indeed the church alarms will go off. Is a Platonic friendship too much to ask?! But it might so happen that the friendship never really works, (By which you probably scared the person off since he is such a friendship phobe) you get to this stage where you are over the crush but you are kinda not, it is called the confusing stage where you are like “Stop being so handsome I am trying to forget about you!” (No explanation needed, just stop)

7.Stage Seven: Free as a HAWK!!

Finally you reach the stage where the crush progressively dies and you are free at last! (Oh happy day) Freedom is such a sweet word. At this stage you actually reassess yourself for mental illnesses because now that you are out of the dome and the scales have fallen off your eyes, you think to yourself but he is actually not that handsome and you compare him to all the handsome TV characters like Clark Kent from Smallville” and you write blogs about it and you laugh out loud, making promises to never crush on anyone again. But good luck with that!!

The whole time I was writing this I was literally on the floor laughing my butt off. What an adventure!! I will never wish for my worse enemy to go through the animosity of a crush.

But let me leave you with some advice:

1. Guard your heart! Not just gloat about guarding your heart but actually guard your heart.
2. Stay away from Romantic books and movies and soap operas. At least try.
3. Stop focusing on outwardly appearance. It is just a box, what you want is the pizza in the box, and sometimes even though the box is really cute the pizza is really bad.☺
4. It is okay to like someone don’t be too hard on yourself. God will help you get over it.
5. Just don’t dwell on it so much.
6. Even if you cannot help it. Don’t put yourself out there for grasp.
7. And stop blushing okay.

>> Here is a song Crush- David Archuleta in honor of today's blog post.

One drop of Jesus

Two months ago a very good friend of mine contacted me and asked me if I had a story that needed illustration since he is obviously so good at drawing. At first I was like “uh no” but as I was typing my reply the Spirit of God reminded me of a vision I had three years back. I was very hesitant of disclosing this with someone not because I doubt it will change someone’s life but it takes a lot from me to share the intimate things about myself and especially intimate moments with God.  If you remember my post from two months back Tug of war, it took quite a big piece of me and here goes another.

I took a few weeks to get back to him, but thank God I did, now it is such an inspiration; I hope it inspires you too. I had this vision in the season right after I recommitted my life to God and the Spirit of God prompted me to go on a 6 day fast. On the fifth day we had a worship night and prayer with my leader and another friend of ours. That night I had been pleading and crying out to God asking why I had such weak faith and why I didn’t earnestly sought after Him. I said “Jesus I desperately want to thirst for you with all that I am, I don’t even know how to explain it.” I didn’t know what more to say, what to pray so I just became silent as I sobbed, swaying to the music in the background.

 I was completely lost in the moment and for a split second I forgot where I was. In that second everything went still, the music stopped and I saw my myself going into state I don’t even know how to explain it. Except it seemed as though a TV screen was placed before my eyes I saw myself in a desert that was utterly dry, completely and utterly dry I could see the drought with my own eyes. I could see how the sun penetrated through the sand, I am sure I could see the heat waves descending. I was so thirsty I felt like I was going to die; my skin was completely dry and it was peeling off, the dress I wore was scorched by the excessive heat and dryness. I saw myself attempting to run, more like a crazy person as if I was searching for something. Where could I run to, it was an open field of desert and I was so thirsty I couldn't have lasted a mile. If I could draw what I saw I would draw it for you.

Suddenly in my vision, I stood still and looked up to the sky as a single tiny drop of water fell slowly from the sky directly unto my palm. And I heard the most loving voice say to me “That is the way you ought to long for me, long for me like I am the last drop of water in the driest of deserts.” In the vision when I consumed that drop of water, I changed I flourished like a flower!! My skin that was peeling off because of dehydration was now flawless, I felt alive! Everything around me also came to life and it flourished and colors that were dull came to life, like in disney movies when the villain is defeated the seasons change from winter to spring, so similarly after that one drop the desert changed from dry to a field of greens. In that moment I knew how much I had to thirst for Jesus. He is the very last drop of water in a dry and thirsty land and He is enough!! This vision is in accordance to Psalms 63: 1-3 one of my most favorite psalms.

My good friend Matias Kandali drew this picture for me to illustrate the vision.At first when he sent me the picture I was like "oh my word, what is this creepiness?" but when I took a second glance, the chords of my heart were tied to it. I couldn’t stop staring at it, the picture is so exquisite, it is such a spiritual representation of the vision it is not even a joke. It is not similar to my vision yet it is so relevant on so many levels and so unfathomable; it has ignited something afresh in me. Do you know what I love most about the picture? That tiny little drop of water, it is the best part of the picture. We all need that One drop of Jesus, it changes everything.

(“This article is dedicated to Matias Kandali”)

Word Of Advice: Everything we need from God is in the bible, there should be nothing we seek outside of the bible or outside of God. Yet God does according to his will and purpose through His Spirit that we may have dreams and visions to ignite us to seek him more in His word and through prayer. And when God speaks or gives you a vision/dream it is always in accordance to a scripture even if you have not found it yet believe me, it is there! We are not to use visions and dreams to form a doctrine or a teaching apart from that which has already been given to us through the bible. So stop listening for a voice and start searching for a verse!!

Pierced Heart

Brokenness

Earlier this week I wrote an article that can pierce a person through the heart, but my personal convictions are not your convictions, it is also not my job to convict you of sin that is for the Holy Spirit, therefore I didn’t post that article. I am only here to tell you of the Savior that gave His all for me and you. A lot of my inspiration comes from songs and this article is especially inspired by Heart like Heaven by Hillsong United.

Last year when I was at the Dream Week conference with my church I was going through a moment of insecurity over something I had done wrong and by the time we came to the third service which was the evening services I wished I had just stayed at my room because I didn’t think God would want to hear me sing to him at that moment. I dragged myself through the praise songs trying so desperately to remind myself of Gods promises and by the time the last song came I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die but the Spirit of God spoke to me through the words of the last song, a song I have listened to a thousand times but I never truly understood the meaning. If you don’t know this song already I would encourage you to listen to it.

At that moment through the words of the song I was reassured that God doesn’t seek perfection. All God wants is a heart broke sound, a heart that is broken before him that cries, Holy, Holy, Holy like the angels in heaven do. A heart like Heaven that is what he wants, that echoes a heart broke sound. He wants you just as broken as you may be, as filthy and messed up as you may be and come broken before the Lord.

Now do not get me wrong a broken heart is not to be weak and feeling sorry for yourself and having a pity party. When the bible talks about a broken heart in Psalms 51: 16-17 which says:

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

It talks about a heart that can be vulnerable before the Lord. A heart that acknowledges that it cannot do without Jesus. A heart that says I cannot get by without your presence, I cannot get by without your peace. I cannot get by without your joy. I cannot get by without your love, your strength, your grace and your mercy. One that says I am weak but you are strong, I am not perfect but I am yours if you want me. A heart that proclaims when I have you I have everything and without you I have nothing. God is not looking for perfect people to praise him, to seek him but He seeks the sound of a broken heart. A broken heart that sounds like heaven “Holy, Holy, Holy”. 

If God sought perfection we would surely die trying to reach it and we would never even reach it. Therefore we must throw our weakness, insecurities, doubt, fear and dead works into Gods greatness. Let God be our strength in our weakness, Let Him be our redeemer in our sin, let Him be our source in our emptiness, Let him be our Hope in our helplessness and let Him be Savior in our brokenness.

ONLY THE WORD

YOUR WORD IS MY COMMAND

I haven’t written in a long time and it is a miracle none of you even called me out on Facebook. The truth is I haven’t written because I didn’t have inspiration to do so and the things I had inspiration for were just too much for me to write about, almost like I am not ready to share that with you yet. Anyway, what kind of movies do you like? I am a freak for medieval movies. Like Brave heart, Gladiators and those English times ruled by kings type of movies. You are probably wondering why? Let me tell you, I love them because in those times people knew and understood rank role and authority. When a king said go, their first responds was “Your word is my command.”   And then they went. They didn’t ask how am I to get there, what am I going to eat on the way, why don’t you sent that guy, I just got back from the last trip you sent me, can I first rest? No they just went, for it was an honor to be a steward of the king, and if there was one that didn’t obey he would be slayed on the spot.

Not that I am an advocate for people being slayed, what I mean is we need to come to that place of “Your word is my command” Some of us have reached the point where the  application of the word of God is conditional. My friend intentionally talks bad about me I will not forgive her again type (conditional) Mathew 18:22. God’s word is not conditional so if He says go we must say “Your word is my command”. There are three places you need to recognize authority in the kingdom, the authority of the Holy Spirit, the authority of God’s word and the authority of  leadership placed in your life. We must come to recognize the authority of Christ. That way you will recognize the authority of people placed in our life. You clearly cannot submit to authority placed in your life if you don’t recognize the authority of Christ.

How can I keep my ways pure from the temptations of this world and the urges of sin? by guarding my heart according to your word, guarding  it with all diligence, for from out of it flow the issues of life. Jesus said unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood you shall by no means have life, what is the flesh of Jesus Christ? The word of God, for the word became flesh and made its dwelling among us. We must eat of the flesh and drink of the blood. One of our spiritual weapons is the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. How do we overcome the enemy by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony? We must constantly testify the word of God. How can one be prosperous? By meditating on the word of God? Let us get back to the point where the word of God is a command and not a suggestion.

PAIN OF REPENTANCE

Tug of War

If you have walked long enough with God, you would have had your own share of tug of war.  If you have never played tug of war, I don’t know what planet you live in. If there are indeed some aliens reading this and they are like I am from Mars, and I don’t know what tug of war is. As Google nicely put it tug of war is a contest in which two teams pull at opposite ends of a rope until one drags the other over a central line or a situation in which two evenly matched people or factions are striving to keep or obtain the same thing. And in this case you are the rope and the central point is the fence and you can already guess what the two factions are.

So article was inspired by one of my favorite songs by Andy Mineo, Tug of War. I am only going to focus on the phrases that stood out for me in the song (highlighted).

Lyrics

Momma praying for me
Grandma praying for me
Satan preying on me
Jesus waiting on me
'Cause I've been straddling the fence it's time to make decisions
I've been thinking about Heaven lately, don't think I'll get in
'Cause I've been going back and forth I love the way I'm living
But I hate it at the same time 'cause I know I'm sinning!
And I don't want to be like them hypocritical Christians
So I stay away from Jesus completely 'till I'm ready to give Him
Everything, but that seems like it'll never happen
My girl coming over later, you know what's about to happen
Then after some smashing I'm sitting there asking
If eternity in Hell is worth some moments of this satisfaction
Man I'm so back and forth!

I'm back and forth like a tug of war
I've been fighting for my life, like I'm trying to get my life right
And I really want more, and I don't know
Back and forth like a tug of war
And I've been fighting for control, and fighting for my soul and this is war

I've got two choices
Both require pain
One's the pain of change or the pain of staying the same
One of them leads to joy
Other one leads to shame
One of them leads to freedom the other one keeps me in chains
I wear a cross and give you thanks for my blessings! Ain't that enough?!
Why you want everything?! Can't you leave this part of my life untouched?!
I thought following you meant I only had to say yes once!
Now every day I wake up you give me some cross to take up!
You really want me to break up with my girl? Now that's too much...
I know what's best for me!
You don't understand my complexities!
See I gotta make a living so don't ask where my checks come from!
Now I hear you talking, I ain't gone numb!
I know I'm in the dark and I gotta find my way to the Son, 'cause
He calling on my name and I know I can't run...
I'm so back and forth...

I'm back and forth like a tug of war
I've been fighting for my life, like I'm trying to get my life right
And I really want more, and I don't know
Back and forth like a tug of war
And I've been fighting for control, and fighting for my soul and this is war

A trail of broken hearts
A man full of regrets
The thrill has left, the empty promises of sin sets
You wanna put treasure inside my hands, but you cease
'Cause they're clamped, holding on the sins I won't release
I don't know how to start loving you, and stop doing what I'm doing if I gain you tell me what I'm really losing
You have to change me and my sins I'd never choose Him
My heart needs to see something greater than what I'm pursuing so
Is it true that you give rest to the weary? Can you accept and repair me?
Do you hear me? It's so clear and now it's painfully apparent
That I can't have my sin and my Savior, they're not for sharing
Anything that I lose to follow you is not a loss
My girlfriend my friends my money even my job
But sometimes I believe the lie
That God don't provide for His child when they obey, that's so cray
He calling me to freedom, I think that it's time to walk
I don't see every step but the next is out of the dark
I'm the filthiest of them all, but I'm YOURS if you wash me!
From that sin, by the blood of that cross!

I'm YOURS

 Every one faces all sorts of temptations on a daily basis and when you don’t resist them you can easily get tangled. Sin is like quicksand, you think its shallow and you can step over it once but with that one step you are drowning.  Along with that allowing the darkness and deceitfulness of sin to enter you, you will find yourself straddling the fence, you want Jesus but you don’t want to let go of your sin. You can’t have sin and the savior they are not for sharing. The love for sin will make you hate God and love of God will make you hate sin but straddling on the fence will make you hate you.

I remember a period in my life when Jesus wanted to deal with a certain sin in my life, I didn’t want to hear the end of it, It was all I had known for a long time and I didn’t know who I would be without it. I wanted to let go, but at the same time I didn’t want to. Because I was afraid that I would have to face all the things I was trying to hide behind my sin and I was not ready to face it. Every day I pleaded with Jesus, “Please don’t make me give this up, please, At least not now, maybe in the future when I am strong enough.” But He didn’t give it a rest, and one morning as I was praying the presence of Jesus never came, and I was frustrated and I prayed and prayed still nothing so I asked the Lord why won’t you come, He said “I am always here but I will not reveal myself until you do what I have asked you to do and seek me.” I tried miserably to reason, to find every excuse why I can’t do it. With my futile attempts I repented, letting go of my sin willing. This was not easy for I mourned over my sin. 

So if you identify with the song or the article, you are living in sin you have two choices one is going through the pain of repentance or the pain of living in your sin. Choose the pain of repentance that only last a short while rather than the pain of staying the same and being tormented by your sinful living. God wants to put treasure and purpose in your hands but you already have your hands full with clamping onto your sins. Repent! Seek God so he can show you areas in your life that have strongholds, habitual sin and dead weight. If any man says he is without sin, he deceives himself and the truth is not in him. (1 John 1:8). Do not be deceived test yourself to see if you are still in faith.

I also thought I only had to say “Yes!” once to Jesus but every day I have to die to myself, every day I have a new cross to carry, every day there is something I must give up, every day I am compelled to go further but this is grace. It’s all grace.  Say yes today to letting go of every sin and every weight that so easily ensnares us. Don’t let Satan deceive you, don’t let him entice you. Resist him, put up a fight!! Let this be your prayer, I am the filthiest of them all but I am yours if you wash me from my sin with the blood Jesus.

THE LOVE TRIANGLE

Fatal Attraction

I started writing this article a while ago while I was on holiday; I came up with a theory about our ultimate love triangle, which I believe every single person faces at some point in their life. Our love triangle is made up of the most typical love triangle, stuck between two persons the one that loves you and the one you love but shouldn’t.  The one that loves you is usually the one you should be with, this is the person in movies that is the perfect sweetheart always there to pick the pieces up when the one you love breaks your heart. The one you love is the person that you are supposed to run away but you don't, this is the person in movies that is the hunky bad boy/the obnoxious hot girl, you know the eye candy type.

Sometimes I feel like the world is that hunky bad boy or the obnoxious hot girl, attractive but fatal. Like the bad boy type the world has no substance, makes promises but never actually fulfills them. Wants so much from you yet gives nothing in return. Acts like you cannot live without them but adds no value to your life. At first glance it looks like that’s where you want to be but just like a relationship with the hunky bad boy type is toxic so is  any relationship with the world, the thrill only last so long. It leaves you bitter not better. There is really not much you can say about the hunky bad boy but just pick your feet up and run!!

While on the other hand having a relationship with the perfect sweetheart is like a relationship with God. At first glance you actually don’t realize how beautiful they are because, they are more about revealing who they are inside rather than how they look like on the outside. You look at the perfect sweetheart and you are just like what could they possibly offer me, they will love me to boredom; they will make me grow old quickly. And you say to yourself I want the fairy tale but I don’t want anything serious right now. I want to have fun!! And in the same way we sometimes look at God and we have the same expression, thinking that being in a relationship with Jesus is boring. But just like the sweet guy once you actually get to know him he is cooler than you’d expected and so it is with Jesus.  You will be surprised how much fun He actually is, how daring He is, He will blow your mind away every single time, you will be changing and you won’t even realize that you are changing. You will never be the same again. 

And that hunky guy called the world will still be attractive to your eye and he will still try to lure you back but once you have tasted and seen how good the Lord is, that he saves you from your sins, how He heals, how he leads and the exceeding hope that He gives, hope that does not disappoint, you will stand and declare everything I counted as value or purpose at all, now I consider them as a loss to be with you.  

COMMAND OVER SELF

Are you your own Boss??!

When I first decided to start a blog, "Command over self" was one of the first things I wanted to write about, but now that I actually have the chance I am lost for words. So here it goes; the instant I heard the phrase “command over self” my first thoughts were mhmm, what does that mean??

I pondered on this phrase for quite a while and I soon realized that everything starts and ends with the level of command over self. What is command over self you say: my definition of command over self would go something like this, the willpower and the authority that one has over one self; Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control (Proverbs 25:28). In other words it also means ones self-control.  

Whenever I hear this phrase I sometimes wonder to myself what is my level of command over self and I always think back to the winter mornings over the last three years, when I used to skip morning lectures because I couldn’t get out of bed even though I would promise myself every night to never skip a lecture again. Mornings like those proved to me I had no command over self when it came to sleeping. I can testify that I felt as though I had killed a man, every time I would wake up only to realize that I had skipped yet another lecture or more just because I couldn’t get myself out of bed ("Treacherous body!"). 

You cannot even imagine the amount of guilt I felt, how it would eat away on me every single time I failed a test, it was unbearable. I truly felt like a murderer, in fact I was a murderer but a murderer of my own dreams. I never want to be a murderer or at least I never want to feel like one ever again. 

The application of command over self-demands discipline, you must learn to practice self-control by disciplining yourself, there is absolutely no argument that every single one of us has been given a portion of self-control it all depends on us to wield it. Unfortunately failure is inevitable but don’t let one mishap put you out of your game, practice, practice until you have complete control over that bad habit, that gossip hungry tongue and that commitment you made. A man that can effectively rule himself can rule the whole world. Be your own ruler before you rule the world!!

TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF

A New beginning

So as a new year resolution I promised myself I would start blogging and I don't know how far along into the year this will go or if anyone would even like it. But I don't really care I am doing this for me. I actually promised myself a lot of things like how I am going to join a boot camp or how I am going to start writing my first novel. I have started with like eight novels but all of them just end at chapter one, that is as far as my creativity goes.

Do you ever wonder how some people are more passionate than you but you just can’t seem to find anything that you are so much passionate about and even when you get passionate about something it only last for a season. I wonder if they have a name for someone who has passion syndrome (LOL. I just made that up). Passion syndrome is someone who lacks in passion for absolutely everything, they don't have a single thing they are passionate about. They are not passionate about life, love or dreams, nothing, null, void, empty. They are just floating through life like a lifeless fish. I haven’t actually seen a lifeless fish and I don’t even know if it float.

In any case if you are indeed floating through life like a lifeless fish, year in and year out with no will no purpose to live for, in my opinion you are no better than that drug addict and alcohol addict that are going through life in a trance of substance abuse. You need to get up and get out, live a little! Find something that you are passionate about, something that makes your heart skip a beat, something that takes your breath away. 

Forget about your past, you cannot change it, forgive the people that have hurt you they probably don’t even wallow in guilt the way you do in your sorrow. Sing, dance and love; the pain will fade away. Otherwise if you are just too lazy to care, well get over yourself you only have one life to live.

If you find yourself with no direction in life and you have nothing to live for and you don’t know what to do with your life. What better place but to discover what you are looking for from your maker! At the foot of the cross, from the one who once said "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”(John 14:6) A new year, a new beginning but only one way.